I decided to give Cassandra Clare’s City of Bones a chance. I will do a legit review when I finish, but in the mean time, I thought it ‘d be fun to point out the things that are driving me batty about this book.
I fully admit to stealing this idea from the excellent and highly entertaining Cinema Sins YouTube channel. Check it out.
pg 5 – Simon “[sticks] out like a sore thumb” because he’s in a t-shirt and jeans, yet still gets in. Even all-ages clubs have dress code standards.
pg 5- Clary gets into the club even though she’s 15. In NYC (as in most cities, I’d imagine) the minimum age for “all age” clubs is 16.
pg 5/6 – Simon does not talk like a teenager, or even as a believable adult, unless he was an adult from Victorian England.
pg 38 – This poetry is only marginally better than Vogon poetry, which if you’ll recall is generally regarded as the worst poetry in the universe.
pg 39 – official start of the “everyone but the protagonist can tell that the best friend wants to move out of the friend zone” cliche.
pg 40/41 -This book appears to be written in 3rd person limited, from Clary’s point of view. However, the book starts referring to Jace as Jace, even though she hasn’t officially met him. Maybe she has a good memory despite getting scared shitless at the time she would have heard his name.
pg 43 – Clary finds the notion that ruins to make you better at using weapons is as hard to believe as the existence of zombies. She just saw a freaking demon the night before. Is it THAT hard to believe?
pg 44 – “No one believes in mummies” except mummies are real things. Wouldn’t a better response from Jace been “nope, they’re just dead guys in bandages?”
pg 48 – Clary’s neighbor only heard “furniture moving” Did her mom really never scream and was he really that polite? They all seemed to hear Clary screaming and called the cops.
pg 56 – Jace has come to Clary’s rescue but still hasn’t formally introduced himself, not even when back at the coffee shop a chapter earlier.
pg 59 – Isabelle formally introduces herself. Jace still has not.
pg 61 – Clary is getting dressed and says that Isabelle’s clothes show “her lack of what Eric would have called a rack.” From what we can tell, Clary cares nothing about Eric, so why would she care about his opinion? And for that matter, what girl would use a guy’s opinion of her chest to describe herself?
pg 65 – A cat “slit[s] its eyes in pleasure.” Ow. Sounds painful. And bloody.
pg 66 – Hodge formally introduces himself. I give up on Jace ever doing so.
pg 67 – Hodge is described as having “a thousand small lines rayed out from around his eyes.” Is his skin made of ceramic glaze and he has hairline fractures? Most humans have what, two? Three? Also rayed out?!
pg 68 – “Hostility as concentrated as acid.” She does know that vinegar is an acid too and that’s not very threatening. The simile would stil still be stupid if it said ‘sulfric acid’ or the like, but at least it wouldn’t quite as vague.
pg 74- Substitute father figure tells Clary, who has just presumably lost her mother, to never all again because he has problems of his own. Not a sin, but what a dick.
pg 78 – Hodge states that Shadowhunters are sometimes called the Nephilim. Why not just stick with the name Nephilim. Sounds cooler than Shadowhunter and most people will get the reference.
pg 79 – Valentine believes that Downworlders should be slaughtered wholesale to keep the world pure for human beings. Did someone forget to tell him that he himself isn’t human? Or is this a reverse Voldemort where instead of forgetting his Mundane heritage he’s forgetting his Nephilim heritage?
pg 80 – the cat’s fur ripples like liquid. Is it supposed to do that?
pg 81 – Hodge doesn’t notice that he’s bleeding all over his paper. How unobservant.
pg 84 – “Look sour as poison.” Most poisons are bitter, not sour. Some, like cyanide taste like almonds and some even taste sweet.
pg 88 – Clary describes the taste of terror as “sharp and coppery on her tongue like old pennies.” Or you know. Blood. Clary has weird eating habits.